Live Without Regrets

**The name has been changed to protect the innocent. ;)

I have this friend, who is quite possibly one of my favorite people, and she definitely understands me on levels that make life easier when we talk. I talk to her about some of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had, and share with her my most exciting moments. Ever since we met at work five years ago, I have called her mom, and I can tell her anything. Lately, we’ve become a lot closer and she’s the woman who is inspiring this post. 

This woman is almost 60 years old and has a passion for life that is so fun to be a part of. She has been married twice. Divorced once and widowed the second time after over 30 years of marriage. She is a pillar of strength. She stands in her truth. She loves completely and is constantly taking care of everyone else. She has this incredible infectious laugh. She has many people in her life that love and adore her, and I’m willing to guess the number of admirers is far greater than she knows.

She has never had that infamous list that people tend to have of all the things they’d like to do some day. She’s always lived for everyone else. Something is different now, and for the first time in her life, she is living completely for herself. She finally has started creating and acting upon that infamous list. Some of the things on the list may seem so silly, however, they are things that she has never experienced and she’s definitely marking things off. 

Last week we were out and she ordered her first shot ever. No, this isn’t her first alcoholic drink, but she had never had a shot. We laughed as she had this experience for the first time, and commemorated the moment with a picture.  She had never been on the back of a Harley, and a good friend of hers honored her request of marking this one off her list. She wants to get a tattoo in honor of her husband. She also wants to experience Wrigley Field, however that has to happen. I, personally, would love to see her go skydiving. Maybe even go on a crazy, fun international trip to some dream destination.  

So many people have asked where the old Anastasia went, as no one knows who she is right now. I stand by the fact that this Anastasia has always existed and she was more concerned with taking care of everyone else and never focused on the things she wanted. Regardless of how big or small those dreams were. She isn’t a different person because she wants to have some of these experiences. I believe she’s a more complete person. She’s operating more fully from her truth. She wants to live the next 30 years with no regrets and without holding back. 

My challenge for my friends is to start living your next 30 years now. There is no need to wait until you are 60 years old to start living for you. I believe that when we take care of ourselves and honor our dreams, regardless of what those are, we become more complete and can give ourselves more completely to those around us. Life is about discovering who you are and being that person, even in the absence of acceptance from those that you love.

I recently heard a man say, “There is nothing right that you can say to the wrong person, and there is nothing wrong you can say to the right person.” I think this is just living in general. There is no way that one can live authentically and damage their relationships (as long as it doesn’t harm or hurt someone else). As we become more aware of who we are and as we stand for that, those around us will come to love and appreciate us even more. Live in your truth.

I have spent many hours with Anastasia talking about life, crying, laughing, and sharing wisdom. (Yes, I may be a bit younger, but I do have some wisdom to impart.) We are 100% authentic with each other, and I appreciate the space provided to be who I am. She doesn’t judge me, she doesn’t wish me to be a different person, and she encourages all of my crazy ideas. What would have been different if she would have had that in her life?

So, what’s on your list? What have you always wanted to do and you haven’t found the courage to do it yet? What keeps you from living on the edge? Don’t wait. Start now. Find your passion and then go after it…make today the kind of good old days that you’ll be excited to share. Your grandkids will thank you for it.

Unforgettable Encounter

Have you ever met someone who instantly changed the way you look at yourself? A few months ago someone came into my life and in a few conversations and a short amount of time spent with him…I can say something shifted. He’s that guy that I never really thought I stood much of a chance with in the first place. He's funny, handsome, successful...and he came out of nowhere. I enjoyed his surprise arrival. And not to give away the ending too soon, but his departure left a mark on me as well. 

Many innocent conversations and years of friendship eventually led to him getting my phone number...yes, we had known each other for years before we exchanged numbers. Then somehow, without me being completely aware of what was going on, we were on our first date. It was the kind of first date that you want to write home about. It was easy. We talked and just hung out for a few hours. He made me laugh, a lot. I felt so at ease and so comfortable in my own skin. Not for one second did I have to be anyone other than myself. I found myself wanting to be connected to him the whole time…the poor guy, I just couldn’t stop reaching out to touch him. When my boss asked me how it was going, my response was “Oh man…second date…please? Way better than I anticipated. :)” (He left the table for a second and I quickly text her back.)

At the end of the night he walked me to my car and then threw me off guard...again...with a kiss. It was the kind of kiss that you just don’t want to end. (FYI…My response to my boss was before the kiss, so apparently there was room for improvement.) I don't even remember how I got home that night. I swear I floated. I've never floated, but that night I did. I couldn't wait to see him again, to talk to him, to laugh with him, to touch him (get your minds out of the gutter). I just wanted to be around him. I wanted to tell him all of my secrets, and let him see the darkest parts of me, because I knew that it wouldn’t matter what I told him…he wasn’t going anywhere. In addition, I wanted to know everything there is to know about him. The good, the bad, the ugly…I wanted to know everything.

I had only a short period of time to really contemplate the idea, because he has some other things that he needs to sort through. He had contemplated the idea for 5 years (yeah, I had no idea), and if I’m being honest…back then I don’t think I would have been a good fit because of where I was at. Either way, I’m the kind of girl that needs flashing neon signs if a guy is interested, because I don’t get the hint very well…it’s a problem. I had the pleasure of really liking the idea for a few months. So after a few dates and lots of text messaging…I’m a bit disappointed that the idea didn’t pan out as I had hoped. I heard a song as I was talking about him one night and one of the lyrics is, “to wait for you, well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face.” However there is no waiting, because I could be waiting for a long time, and ain’t nobody got time for that! Timing has this weird way of letting you know that something just isn’t going to work. Damn timing.

I’m proud of myself, though. I stood in my truth. I wasn’t afraid to be me. I wasn’t afraid to say what I was really thinking. I didn’t hold back for his benefit, instead I gave 100% of me and it was more than I could have expected it to be. So a goodbye kiss and a slightly painful moment…it’s all done. A part of me wishes I would have known that he was interested sooner; however it may not have ended any different. No one ever knows what’s possible until it’s been explored, and this has been explored.

I learned that I can float. I can be me and just own who I am, even the ugly parts, and still feel quite beautiful. That’s priceless. I am perfectly imperfect, and there are many that will appreciate that about me. I know he did. I learned that some people will just get you, without a lot of effort, and those are the ones you want to hold onto. Even if holding on means that your life goes different directions. I’m grateful for this man…he’s remarkable. I hope that whatever life brings his way, he finds more happiness than he knows what to do with. He deserves that...and so do I.