I started this and never did anything with it...I am going to try and be better...let's see if I can do this! :)
So, a question that I have been getting a lot lately is in reference to why I am still single. I would like to say that this is a great question and then provide the asker with some great insight into the inner workings of the Lord’s timing. Instead, I only come up with blank stares as I look back at them with nothing but an empty answer. The truth is, is that this is an incredibly frustrating question because I ask myself the same thing all the time. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t ask this question because I pity myself or because I am unhappy with the current status of my life. I ask this question, because I genuinely want to know what I can do differently or better to help me get to the place where this question isn’t asked anymore.
I have been very blessed to have incredible people in my life that have helped me see some things from a few different perspectives. I was in California with a good friend, and while we were there I got to sit down with his mom and talk about my life as she asked we played the game of 20 questions. She is such an incredible woman and has walked in shoes that look a lot like mine. We were talking about the struggles that come with being single, and trying to stay on the right path when the world does everything it can to lead you somewhere else. It’s a painful reality to know that there are more things to entice you to be the type of person you know you shouldn’t be, and if you aren’t careful those temptations win. You have to cling to everything you know is true in order to maintain your standards and do everything you can to keep the adversary from winning.
As we were chatting about how hard it can be she said, “The one thing you have to remember is that you have spirit children that are waiting just for you. They are up in Heaven watching you and cheering you on every step of the way. They aren’t going to give up on you, so don’t give up on yourself.” I just looked at her, because this is not something that I have considered before. There are souls waiting for me to get my life to a place where I can provide for them, and raise them up in the Gospel. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, I know that Jesus Christ had a moment just for me in the Garden of Gethsemane, and I know that They are both aware of everything that I experience and go through…but I have never considered the fact that I have children that are waiting for me. It definitely has a way of changing your perspective.
Then, about a week ago, I got to chat with an incredible Priesthood holder in my ward. We talked about the ins and outs of dating and how complicated we tend to make it. He has been in a relationship for a while and knows that he is with the girl that he wants to spend his forever with, but he recently realized that he has to grow up and get his life together. So, with her encouragement and loving words, he got to work and started doing what he could to get the necessary pieces put in place. As someone who is still single, I am not quite sure what those pieces are but I am trying to figure it out. (In addition, this friend told me to make a list…not of what I am looking for…but a list of my gifts and strengths. He asked me to start acknowledging what I bring to the table…this will follow in another post. Also, I think I am going to make a list of the various traits I have seen that attract me to someone...maybe!)
I have been very blessed to have incredible people in my life that have helped me see some things from a few different perspectives. I was in California with a good friend, and while we were there I got to sit down with his mom and talk about my life as she asked we played the game of 20 questions. She is such an incredible woman and has walked in shoes that look a lot like mine. We were talking about the struggles that come with being single, and trying to stay on the right path when the world does everything it can to lead you somewhere else. It’s a painful reality to know that there are more things to entice you to be the type of person you know you shouldn’t be, and if you aren’t careful those temptations win. You have to cling to everything you know is true in order to maintain your standards and do everything you can to keep the adversary from winning.
As we were chatting about how hard it can be she said, “The one thing you have to remember is that you have spirit children that are waiting just for you. They are up in Heaven watching you and cheering you on every step of the way. They aren’t going to give up on you, so don’t give up on yourself.” I just looked at her, because this is not something that I have considered before. There are souls waiting for me to get my life to a place where I can provide for them, and raise them up in the Gospel. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, I know that Jesus Christ had a moment just for me in the Garden of Gethsemane, and I know that They are both aware of everything that I experience and go through…but I have never considered the fact that I have children that are waiting for me. It definitely has a way of changing your perspective.
Then, about a week ago, I got to chat with an incredible Priesthood holder in my ward. We talked about the ins and outs of dating and how complicated we tend to make it. He has been in a relationship for a while and knows that he is with the girl that he wants to spend his forever with, but he recently realized that he has to grow up and get his life together. So, with her encouragement and loving words, he got to work and started doing what he could to get the necessary pieces put in place. As someone who is still single, I am not quite sure what those pieces are but I am trying to figure it out. (In addition, this friend told me to make a list…not of what I am looking for…but a list of my gifts and strengths. He asked me to start acknowledging what I bring to the table…this will follow in another post. Also, I think I am going to make a list of the various traits I have seen that attract me to someone...maybe!)
This leads me to my next conversation. I was at institute and Brother Livingstone and I were talking about relationships. I am sure that Melody is really getting tired of these conversations, as she is married and has been for the last five years, either way she is patient as we discuss relationships. I asked Brother Livingstone how I get out of the friend zone and how I get to a point where I am ready for marriage. As far as the friend zone questions goes, he just told me to make it clear that I am not in a place to be someone’s best friend unless that includes being in a committed relationship. Then he asked me a question that I have been pondering quite a bit the last week. He said, “Michelle, do you think that you could sacrifice your job and current life for someone?” I have been thinking about this a lot, and I would like to believe that if it was the right person, I would do whatever it took to make the necessary sacrifices for them. I would give up anything. Now back to reality, is this really something I could do? My answer is simple…I don’t know. I have worked hard to get where I am now in the organization I work for, and it’s hard to contemplate the idea of giving all of that up. Would it be worth it? More than likely. Am I willing to take that risk? I just don’t know.
So, instead of trying to figure out all of the answers to these questions and ponderings today, I submit that I am working on it. I am trying to get to a point where I can let guys get close to me and not just be my best friend. I am trying to sort through years of bad habits, and doing what I can to turn those things around. This isn’t an easy transition but it is a necessary one. I want to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be, to ensure that whoever I end up with feels lucky to have found me. That’s my mission and priority right now, and so far I think I’m doing okay.
