Exposed...Kinda. Ha!

I was challenged by a good friend of mine to post some pictures on Facebook that I had taken of me, and while that may have sounded like a good idea...I on the other hand thought it was a terrible idea. Mainly because I was genuinely concerned that I would offend someone or bug one of my 'friends' on there. Then I decided to blog about it, because I’d have an easy topic to write about! So…two birds, one stone!

My whole life I have struggled with my weight. I’ve been up and down since my senior year in HS and I’m going to say that’s because for the first time in my life I was down. I have a love/hate relationship with food and when I get sad I have this habit of eating my feelings. And sometimes…I have A LOT of feelings. The summer before my senior year I worked two full-time retail jobs in Colorado, and got small enough that people that had known me my whole life didn’t recognize me when I moved back to Kansas.

(That's me on the left)

Then my grandpa died. And I healed myself through food and lots of alcohol. The only way I could sleep after he died, and not have dreams about him, was to go to bed drunk. After about 8 months of that I gained around 40 pounds. Then the ultimate struggle began, because even though I had quit drinking I couldn’t seem to get rid of the weight. That’s when I started trying every fad diet I could think of and failing miserably as I lost weight and then gained it again.

Last year I decided I was going to do something different and worked really hard to get to the smallest that I’ve been in my teen/adult life. I was working out with a trainer, was super careful about what I ate, and drank a ton of water. I did all of the things that you’re supposed to do in order to see results, and I did. No fad diets, no starving myself, and no working out in the gym 4 hours a day. This was the result.

As I was doing all of this, I was playing a 90 day game and my coach (Melissa Tucker) challenged me to have some boudoir photos taken. Well, for anyone that knows me…I’m a pretty modest person. I prefer to keep as much covered as possible, at all times. I accepted the challenge, although, I did my version of boudoir photos, still modest and yet still a little more revealing than normal for me.

I’ve never been comfortable in my own skin, but when I look at these pictures I am reminded that I am a beautiful woman. I don’t have a perfect body, and after a few months of eating my feelings at the beginning of this year I have some progress to make up for, but I am still beautiful. I don’t have to be perfect, and I don't have to be the size that I have decided is necessary to be loved. I am loved and enough just the way I am. So, here you go. Here are some of the pictures that I had taken, and surprisingly enough...I actually like most of the pictures that were sent back to me. (Photos compliments of Shay Nuttall.)