Doing The Best We Can

All of my posts seem to come from conversations. They spark a lot of thoughts that roam around in my head until I get rid of them in some fashion. I talk to my cousin every day about pretty much everything. We go to each other for advice and for understanding. She gets me and knows me quite well. We’ve talked on a regular basis since I was about 13 and almost every day for the last couple of years. She’s easily one of my best friends and I consider her a HUGE blessing. I’m very lucky.

Anyway, as we were texting about various relationships today I said to her, “He’s doing the best he can with what he has.” By that I mean that this person really is trying to bring as much as they can to the friendship with the information that they have. Which is what we all do. We all give as much as we can to our friends, family, and relationships the best that we can, with the experiences we’ve had and what we’ve learned from them. Sometimes that may include the willingness to give 100% of ourselves up front without any hesitation. In other situations we may be more guarded and reluctant to be open, and every now and then that reluctance is sparked from something as simple as being reminded of a past character in our lives. I have a bad habit of assuming someone will be a certain way, simply because they remind me of someone from my past. As we all are aware…assuming isn’t always a good thing. I’m sure I’ve missed out on some great friendships due to this very assumption.

As for myself, because I can really only speak for myself, I have spent a good portion of my life keeping people at arm’s length. As long as people don’t get too close then they can’t hurt me. Then when I have let people in completely, I ensure that I provide ample opportunity for them to do just that. One of my very best guy friends tried to kiss me a few years ago, and I did everything I could to completely destroy our friendship after that. And I was SO talented at the whole sabotage thing, that it only took me about a week. I spent every day with this person for 6 months and had been friends for well over a year and a half. As soon as I thought there may be a shift I went into destruction mode. It was terrifying. The worst part, is that he knew me so well that he could use all of my weaknesses against me and he did, just as I feared he would. I don’t blame him. I set him up for that, and did so very successfully if I do say so myself! He and I have become friends again, but I don’t think it will ever be possible for us to be as close as we were.

I don’t spend a lot of time beating myself up because of that experience, nor am I so frustrated and angry with him. The reality is that I was simply doing the best I could, and so was he. I don’t think we intentionally set out to hurt each other, actually I know we didn’t; however, it definitely ended that way. I miss him and our friendship…a lot. I have taken full responsibility for my behavior. I don’t know if things would be different today if I wouldn’t have become a crazy person and we will never know. I have learned a lot and now I get to move forward.

That’s what I think it’s all about. It’s about us doing the best that we can with what we know, and then adjusting as we experience and learn new thing…if we choose to. It’s not something that can be forced. Nor is it something that we can wake up from one day and be ‘healed’ of what we may consider to be brokenness. I don’t think any of us are ‘broken,’ even if we may feel like that way, I simply think we are a work in progress. We choose to learn and grow, or not. No one is forcing us to do anything differently. However, I am sure that you are not any closer to where you want to be by doing the same thing you’ve always done.

I encourage all of my friends to choose more. I challenge you to learn and grow and become the person that you were always meant to be. Forgive yourself as quickly as possible, and take note of what you weren’t so thrilled with so you don’t choose that path again. Move forward, move on, and move up. Be the best version of yourself possible, and keep doing the best that you can. Besides…that’s all we were intended to do anyway.